How to love yourself when you’ve lost confidence, per experts

Once upon a Drag Race episode, RuPaul asked a seemingly simple question: ‘If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?’ That now-iconic sign-off resonated with people all over the world because, of course, he’s right — but loving yourself is easier said than done.

After all, it can be difficult to stay optimistic when you encounter obstacles in life, from going through a breakup to getting rejected from job applications. If you’ve experienced that recently, you’ve likely had people tell you to take time to focus on yourself. That’s because, when you’ve had a knock to your self-confidence, putting in the effort to love yourself will ultimately pay off.

‘Self-love can influence how you handle the challenges you face in different aspects of your life, your overall happiness, and your mental and physical health,’ says Brian Wind, PhD, an adjunct professor of psychology at Vanderbilt University and the chief clinical officer of JourneyPure, an addiction treatment center.

And yet… loving yourself can feel like the biggest cliche and hardest thing to achieve. So we turned to the experts to ask why cultivating self-love is so important, signs you may be struggling to love yourself, and nine awesome ways to make yourself feel adored — and then some.

How to love yourself

1. Recite mantras

Also known as a mindful self-compassion exercise, mantras help you approach each day with some extra TLC. ‘People can use positive self-talk and mindfulness practices with self-compassion to reduce perceived anxiety and improve confidence and well-being,’ says Alan Chu, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology and human development at the University of Wisconsin – Green Bay. If you feel anxious, try ‘everyone feels this way sometimes’ and ‘may I be gentle and understanding with myself.’

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